Claptrap

Little hope, amidst all darkness.

One of the very few times when I tend to find the reason behind that gloomy feeling. I just can’t think anything as my thoughts stop over you, but it leaves me with an answer. Answer is you and my obsession for you. I forgot you don’t care for me and got carried away with few sweet words of yours. I forgot there is nothing beyond pally relations and dreamt of being together. You regaled me with few moments but that’s it. It’s the end; where all the hopes and feelings die. It’s good they die rather than staying within and keep pricking. Its better they die thus living some ample space to ponder over other craps. But I forget, hope is immortal; no matter how dark it is, a little vacuity and hope will bask in the pallid limelight of your thoughts. Whenever I asked ‘how’s you?’ I really wanted you to be fine. For you it was just a regulation, wrapped with bit of sweetness. Whenever I said you mean a lot me, you really did. Though you never said but your mannerisms expressed that others mean a lot to you, even more than me. That made me take back, think over and give up. I gave up coz I believed myself, not in nagging behind you. I gave up coz I’m a loser. Yep, ours is a land of heroes and I play a loser. I tried many times; each time hope overcame my insecurities and pulled me back. This time though, I won’t let hope overcome. I’ll hold it and cherish it instead, rather than getting pulled back by it. There are lot other things to hope and desire for. I don’t want you back in my life, maybe I do but I don’t desire anymore. Instead I want you live happy with regrets and qualms. Not because I want you to come back and rest in my arms, I want my heart come back and rest in happiness. I want to wipe the marks of affinity but I guess it is not that easy. But nothing seems easy here. I will try, fail once or twice, stand again few times but in the end I’ll manage to do it. Take care, I really mean it. And try to find a subtle hint of ‘good bye’ in it just like I did.

 

Photo courtesy- Ranvir Deb.

Bas kuch aise hi!!

Koyel Dey Klickography

Sometimes, I want you to say something to me. Sometimes, I want to say something to you. But then I just keep quiet. After all, that’s how life is!

Sometimes, I dump my desires into the unruly world of insecurities. They remain forever there while I just get used to. J

Sometimes, I just let it go. Sometimes, I just keep staring. With a hope, that dies eventually.

Sometimes I just want you, no matter what. But then, I’m sane enough to sense your feelings; maybe not but I just let it go.

Sometimes, my opinion changes about you. Sometimes I carry away my mind. But in the end, it just comes and stops at you.

Sometimes, I’m messed up. Sometimes, I’m just happy. But in the end, I just pour it out and make myself feel better.

***

Written by- Ajinkye Koshti

Arnab's photography